Vodka, meet candy

Let's talk about flavored vodkas, shall we.

We've come a long way since the days when vodka was just that - a neutral spirt to mix with. Absolut was really the only brand doing a few flavors (and those simple flavors - Citron and Peppar - were merely essences). When I say essences, the only thing you could really taste in Citron was the heady zest of lemon and in Peppar the heat of pepper. There was no apparent flavor and certainly no sweetness. 

These days it is almost impossible to find a vodka that isn't flavored. And by flavored I mean drowned in a sugary, artificial syrup. Even if some of them are natural - which we rarely know given the lack of ingredients listed on liquor bottles - that doesn't excuse the cloyingly sweet taste. 

I didn't think we could sink much lower than Stoli Razz or Malibu's vomit-inducing Island Melon rum (not a vodka I realize but the epidemic has spread). But we have! Enter Pinnacle's Cotton Candy flavored vodka. You heard me. COTTON CANDY. I'm not sure how to even react to this.

If there were ever an alcoholic beverage marketed to small children this is it (who eats cotton candy over the age of 9?). But the more likely scenario is the market research that aimed its sights at the club-going, hooker-heel-wearing masses the fill the meat packing district on a nightly basis. When did ordering a cocktail become synonymous with a trip to Baskin-Robbins? What happened to a simple dry martini or if you were in a sweeter mood, a Manhattan?

What exactly is cotton candy flavor anyhow, aside from sugar and a bit of Red No. 40? Skittles-flavored vodka would make a better drink. I see a co-branding opportunity for Smirnoff in the near future. 

Possibly the most offensive part of this whole charade is the French flag on the bottle with "France" scrawled across it. Because as we all know - they have a long and illustrious history in the cotton candy business. I must have imagined the vendors selling roasted chestnuts in the Jardin de Tuilleries - it was cotton candy they were selling. 

We've reached the pinnacle, alright.

But wait, Pinnacle's own website boasts of the many flavors they offer along with various cocktail recipes (such as the Circus : Pinnacle cotton candy, Pinnacle raspberry and Sprite). In total Pinnacle offers 22 flavors. 22! Just imagine the distribution challenges. Worst offenders - outside of Cotton Candy - Butterscotch, Root Beer and Whipped Cream. 

Comments

[Silvetron]

Hah, once again I feel like we're living in 2 completely different universes. I just went to buy vodka at one of the state-run liquor stores here in Seattle, and though there were plenty of fancy bottles, I don't recall seeing even one kind of flavored vodka.

[Presh]

You're good to call this out. Remember when Vodka had a sense of class because it was used for martinis? This is like the way flying on an airplane used to be an event that you would dress up for. Now it's just a flying bus that's a miserable experience. Vodka has become a joke. So sad

[Gleemonex]

They're aiming for the 16-year-old girl demo. In my day, it was the flavored sody-pop known as wine coolers, and then Zima, and now this horrible shit. Get 'em young ...

[Sheepy]

I hate flavors! And flavor. And flava.

I had to buy mints this week, and the only choice was "cool honey". I felt so ashamed and depressed.